First catch your turnips. We're talking the wee white/purple ones, not the big buggers also known as swede or rutabaga. Peel and cut up into chunks. You can also use mooli - those big radishy fellas also known as daikon.

In a pan or karhai, heat some oil (lately I've been using ghee, or even mustard oil - but otherwise, sunflower). Do the usual curry thing - i.e. chuck in some salt and a palm full of cumin seeds and black mustard seeds. (For thems as don't know, all the best currys begin this way). Lob in a couple of star anise. Also maybe add a big pinch of asafoetida/hing.

When the seed start to pop, throw in a chopped onion, some grated ginger, a couple of chopped green chillies (less if you haven't yet developed a tolerance) and a shitload of crushed garlic (1-4 cloves, to taste). Stir until the onions are translucentish.

In go the turnips. Stir a bit. Then a can of tomatoes, chopped (or some fresh ones, of course) and a drained can of kidney beans. Top up with a little water and start to boil.

Coarsely chop a bunch of Methi / Fenugreek, and add this in. Now - I've only recently returned to methi. It does rather come out of one's pores, but it adds such a depth of flavour. I tend to add a whole bunch - by which I mean the standard measure sold in Asian greengrocers. If you are foolish enough not to live near an Asian greengrocer - fenugreek seeds will do - chuck in a teaspoonful with the cumin and mustard - although they are a bit crunchy.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Cook until the turnips are done and the water boiled off. Don't overdo because the turnips tend to go a bit watery. Throw in a handful of chopped dhaniya / coriander / cilantro and stir through a couple of seconds.

Serve with chapattis and yoghurt.

 

(Oh Christ! I thought he'd gone away!)

Sooooo………quite a lot has happened since The Pie last bothered you. Where to start?

OK…the tricky one first. Obviously The Pie was as bothered by the WTC as anyone (apart from those who lost loved ones, or who had to clean up the carnage, obviously). But I simply don't see how bombing starving peasants is going to help. Imagine you are a disaffected middle-class adolescent in Riyadh or Iskanderia or Yogyakarta. To you think that US actions are going to make you more or less militant? I mean. Do we really think that Bin Laden was a clever puppet-master, pulling strings around the world? Or was he a figurehead and one of many financiers for a loose collection of angry youngsters? Time will tell, I'm afraid.

Good news on the home front, though. That nice Mr. Blunkett (I'll not hear a word against him) is, apparently, poised to take even further steps in the de-classification of The Most Holy Lamb's Bread, Beloved 'Erb of Mighty Rastafar-I. That's bound to hit profits for the budget airliners (Sure! Everyone's off to Amsterdam for the tulips!).

On the other hand - is our government not just a load of incompetent, mendacious, gutless bastards, or what? Where would you like me to start? Not having the courage to admit that our education / healthcare / transport system need public investment which can only be delivered by higher taxation? Not having the courage to even mention the big E with the two lines through it, when we all know we're going to have to join it soon? I mean, the idea of "Eurocreep" may be sensible enough - waiting until we've all been on our summer hols or weekends on Ryanair, so we get used to the idea - but are they not simply pandering to the notion that Euro is something to fear and can only be whispered about, so as not to disturb the sleeping Portillistas? (By the way - apologies for not typing the € sign here. I understand that it still shows up funny on some browsers). Or is it not having the courage to say to DubyaDubyaDubya dot Bush dot fuckin'-moron-who-nobody-voted-for-anyway that what he's doing is wrong and stupid? (Hey, Chill Out, Pie.)

One last thing: It is now officially Jubilee year: The Sex Pistols are to re-release "God Save The Queen." I wonder which event is more terrifying to the queen (she ain't no human being) - the shock of the original 1977 release, or the fact that this time the views expressed are regarded as pretty mainstream. We mean it….ma'am!

(The Pie is getting on a bit. It has become clear that The Pistols are now regarded by young people in much the same way as I regarded The Beatles. But they'll have all those Limp Bizkit and Papa Roach fans quaking in their expensive trainers - you see if they don't.)