Monday 22nd April 2002

Thanks to Herr Rodriguez and HerrYohnson for the idea of fried plantains. Here's how I've been serving them.

Fried Plantains with Date Chutney

Plantains, if you don't already know, are the big bananas sold in African/Caribbean shops. It's best to buy them when they're slightly black - green will do, but they'll have less flavour. Slit down one of the corners (you'll see what I mean) and prise the skin off. Slice into rounds the thickness of a French fry. Deep fry in oil. Salt and serve - maybe, if you're a fan of monosodium glutamate, with a sprinkling of "Sazòn - con achiote" available from all the best PR and PX stores.

But before you do that - make this sauce to go with them:
Take a handful of dates and stone them.
(A note to the stupid: By this I mean "remove the stones" - not "throw rocks at them.")
Put in a pan with enough water to cover and add either some vinegar or (preferably) tamarind pulp - dirt cheap in Asian stores. You soak it in hot water and push through a sieve, discarding all the solid bits. If using a metal sieve, wash it immediately or it will corrode. Alternately - you can find jars of tamarind extract.
Bung in a small chopped onion, a clove of crushed garlic, some grated fresh ginger, and some ground allspice.
Simmer until everything has softened.
Liquidise with a blender (hand-held is easiest)
Decant and serve.

Basically, this is "HP Sauce" in its original form. Bulk it out with apples and it becomes "HP Fruity Sauce."

Before I go - here's a plug for another recipe site: www.congocookbook.com Cool! African recipes a-go-go.

The (to quote a former reader) "juvenile humour and stupid comments" at the end

The Pie's proposal for reform of the House of Lords:
Pursue them through the countryside with dogs and horses. They'll enjoy the thrill of the chase and it's a lot less humane than shooting them.

Question

Part a): If you were a poor teenager living in a slum, a few miles away from land taken from your ancestors, with no real job prospects and access to what little livelihood available liable to being arbitrarily withdrawn from one day to the next, while in your midst others were living relatively prosperously in armoured smallholdings - how would you react?

Part b): If you were a politician responsible for the security of your citizens, who were becoming frightened to eat in restaurants because of a spate of bombings, what would you do?

Supplementary to part b): Is shelling and bulldozing whole streets, shooting holes in community water tanks, arresting the nearest thing available to a recognised, elected leader and denying emergency medical assistance to civilian women and children more or less likely to encourage the teenagers in part a) to listen to Hamas?

Crimes Against Art
Supertramp are touring with a new album. Run for the hills! (It's not much of an album, but it's the only one they've got).

The Death of Thatcherism
The mad auld witch has been silenced in more ways than one. Her abiding legacy was, apart from the dismantling of British industry, was the creation of a shared belief that taxation can never be increased. Applause to Gordon Brown for setting a precedent which has, potentially, laid Thatcherism to rest. And the funny thing is, while the Blair-Mandelsonite Conservatives thought it was electoral suicide, the general public reaction seems to have been "Good! About time!" Sure, I would have preferred the penny on Income Tax, rather than NI - Income Tax is more redistributive - but at least this is fostering the view that we all should pay for each others' healthcare. Sound dangerously like socialism. Another penny and maybe we could sort out transport and education too.

Our very own Oliver North
A few weeks ago, there was a robbery from a particularly secret room within the most secure police station and intelligence headquarters in Belfast. This was clearly and inside job, and suspicion has fallen on "rogue elements within British Army intelligence." Last weekend details were given to the press of an hitlist which allegedly showed that that the IRA are continuing to gather intelligence on British Conservative politicians. The thing is - this list was allegedly recovered "during a raid in connection with the Castlereagh break-in." Hmmmm. Is there something odd with this picture?